Reflections In The Wishing Well

The past few day have been fairly introspective for me. I’m not sure why, but it probably has to do with the weather finally starting to act like it’s supposed to in May.

Introspective you say? How so?

Ok, I baited, you asked, so I should answer.

It’s been just about 5 years since I broke up with my ex. My life right now is about a million times better then it was when I was with her. I have a totally amazing wife, a decent home, a decent job, a cute puppy, and way too many cats. But it’s not only what I have that I am thankful for, but I am also very thankful for the journey I took to get here. I’ve grown more as a person in the last 5 years then I did the previous 5. To me, that is something to be very happy about.

As one can imagine, I was not in a very happy place 5 years ago. I was unemployed, losing my girlfriend of 7 years, losing half the shit in my house in the process, and with her leaving, my bills were suddenly doubling. Not a good situation to be in. I will admit that I did go through a bit of depression. Although in all honesty I went through that the first week she told me she was moving out back in April of 2002. She stayed until the end of May while she looked for an apartment. Why didn’t I kick her out you ask? That’s simple. As long as she still lived there, she still had to pay for 1/2 the bills. It was a monetary decision. Anyway, that initial week was rough. I didn’t really eat, barely slept (watched ‘The Sorpranos’ 1st season DVD set in 1 night once), and everyday when she was around I would leave and go for 3 hour + walks. You always hear how people go to find themselves? Well, I always thought that was a bunch of crap. That is, until I found myself on those walks. Trust me, it happens. Anyway, she left, and I started a new journey that I was not quite prepared for.

While we did have some good times together, most of the vivid memories I have of my time was her was when we would travel. That’s really about it. But, thinking back on my time after she left me, I can remember everything with uncanny detail. I can remember going and buying a DVD player at Best Buy one night and picking up ‘Vanilla Sky’. I came home, and hooked it up to my TV which was in my living room on an old microwave cart. As for living room furniture, I had a single pole lamp, and a new futon that I bought at K-Mart for $99. I can remember the one night Ormando and JP came over. We played ‘Simposons Wrestling’ on my PS2 (PS1 game actually) and we watched ‘Mallrats’ I believe. It was fun because it was just me and the guys — something that wasn’t allowed when we were dating. It’s those memories that I really cherish. Her leaving made me really take stock in the little things in everyday life.

The next 2 years were filled with a lot of alone time, and a lot of personal exploration. I didn’t even want to look at another woman for the first year. It was me, my friends, and my computer. I helped Ormando setup his new business, Dragons Inc., worked on my website, played some games, and hung out a lot with JP. Hell, JP and I even started a web comic together. And it was through that that I met someone I quickly became interested in. After pursuing her for almost a year, it was pretty obvious that it was a dead end street I was walking down. Once again, I decided to go find myself.

This time, instead of looking outside, I looked inside. To the Internet that is. I joined match.com and put my profile up there. About 3 days later I got an email with Jess’s picture on it. I was hesitant to contact her since she was in New feakin’ Jersey, but I ended up deciding to. I mean hell, I always liked to travel, and what are the odds this cute girl would be interested in a geek like me.

Well, that cute girl not only wrote me back, but little over 2 years later, she married this geek.

Yeah, I’ve left out a lot in between. It wasn’t as cut and dry as that. But those are my stories. Some of them have been told before, and some of them I keep for myself. That’s the whole point. You have to keep some of it for just you. Some of it is very trivial, and some of it is life changing.

It really is the journey that is the adventure. And the journey isn’t over yet. In fact, we’ve just only begun…