All By Myself

Funny, I used to enjoying being alone. In fact, I would almost make it a point to be alone.

In high school, I would spend most evenings up, locked away in my bedroom either reading, writing, or doing stuff on the computer. It wasn’t that I was antisocial — ok, maybe I was — but it was just that I preferred to be alone.

Then there came a time in my life when I was forced to be alone. That would be the 2 years I lived by myself. I just didn’t want to be alone, I simply was. It was in that time that I rediscovered the joy of being alone. I was able to do what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted. I was only responsible for myself, and that was that. If I wanted to come home, watch a movie, take a 2 our nap, and then play games until 3am, I had no one to yell at me about it. I was my own King.

Then Jess moved in, and I was no longer alone. I enjoyed that feeling of always having someone there. I knew she would be there when I came home and I knew she would be the first thing I see in the morning and the last at night. She was my stability. However, even then, I longed for those ‘alone days’.

Now I come to a night like tonight. Jess is working all night, and I have the house to myself. My new video card is all hooked up and running like a bat out of hell. I’ve got plenty of games lined up that I want to play, and yet, I am not. I’m sitting here wondering how Jess is. Not to sound too much like a whining pussy, I miss her.

Now that I have the alone time I’ve sought, I don’t want it.

It’s amazing how things can change like that in a few short years.