Did you ever wonder why things that used to fascinate you now tend to bore you? I found a picture tonight and it has me asking this question, among a few others. The picture in question is a webcam grab of me working on my computer back in 2004. I’m not sure of the exact date, but from some other corresponding pictures I found as well, I would venture a guess and say March of 2004.
What really fascinates me about this picture is he intensity of my gaze. This was right after I had hooked up a tri-monitor display to my Windows XP machine. This was back when I was very much single, and would come home from a long day of work, to a very empty house. I would immediately sit down at my computer, and not leave until it was time to go to bed. Then I would retire to the bedroom where I had another computer, my server at the time, and would throw on a bootleg movie and fall asleep to that. I look at that picture and I see someone who is now sort of alien to me. Sure, I still spend a fair amount of time at my computer, but nowhere the amount I used to. Also, when I am on the computer, I am no where near as engulfed as I appear to be in that picture. That’s the look of a man on a mission.
I know I’m a completely different person now that I was then. In the last 4 years I have fallen in love, let someone move into my home with me, married said person, accumulated a small zoo of pets, and lead a somewhat different lifestyle now. Back then, I was a free spirit; a digital Ronin if you will. Now, I have a wife, family, and responsibility. This little box full of microprocessors and magnetically stored information takes a backseat to my wife and family now.
Which brings up another point I have been pondering along the way.
Up until 8 months ago, I used a Windows PC exclusively. I know it’s the propaganda of the Cupertino Cult, but using a Mac rally does change you. I find myself spending less time on the computer because I don’t have to. With a PC, there is constant maintenance, while with a Mac, there is not. Plus, for some weird reason, I find that I am more productive with a Mac then I am with a PC. Weird, yes. Do I sound like Justin Long, maybe. But it is all true.
So you’re probably asking why I am obsessing about a stupid picture taken over 4 years ago. I think it’s for the same reason we still look at pictures from our wedding. Or why every once and a while we flip through our old high school year book. We sometimes get caught up in all our daily bullshit, that we forget what it was like to be young. We for get what it was like to be free of the responsibilities we now have to bear. We look back and deep down, are a bit envious that we’re not there anymore. But then you have to step back and look at what you have now, and be thankful that you made the right choices. Sure, you’re bound to make some mistakes, everyone does. But the important things is that you find happiness.
Back in 2004, obviously my computer made me happy. That was the center of my universe.
Flash forward to 2008, and my center of the universe has shifted slightly…for the better.
